I feel like I am in a spinning door and I can't get out. All of my laundry, dirty dishes and general mess is in here too. I can see a beautiful world where I spend time in thoughtful meditation every day, go to bed at 930 and run every day. I just can't get out of this spinning chaos.
I have to do something to make a change. I am in a constant state of extreme exhaustion. I am in horrible physical condition. I can't get just my daily chores done, much less anything extra.
I tried a year ago to live by a rule. I realize now that I was trying to embrace something without meaning. I need to seek the meaning. I watched a video yesterday, sent in an email, of a man named Nick Vujicic. It was so moving. How can he do so much, and I do so little. Faith. I am a shallow person. I seek faith, but I never quite open up to it. Something is holding me back, I always feel like I am just going through the motions.
Today is a new day. God help me.
